Fear

it seems as though the words have left me
those comfortable friends
I wrapped myself in
when times were cruel
as the world often is
and I am left
standing naked
before you in this moment
that has no end

every second begs
with a pregnant pause
the truth of these moments
and I cannot hide
from your gaze
nor decipher your thoughts
and I feel as if I am falling

no longer protected
hidden from
the world I had no desire to partake of
yet now
I find myself
thrust
into this tiny moment of broad uncertainty
edging towards something unfathomable

would that I could claim bravery
for I am a coward at heart
quaking in fear
for fear has long been my true friend
yet now it grips me
with powerful talons
and I feel shredded to the core

cynical and jaded am I
or rather was
so sure of my imperfection
so sure of my unworthiness
I am still very sure
and it pains me
to know the truth of myself
yet wishing to be somehow
better than I am
more deserving
of what
I am still so unsure

I do not know
where this thorny path goes
never had the desire to trespass
yet
I feel drawn now
and these moments of uncertainty sting
for I cannot hide
from myself
or from you

yet I cannot deny
this
connection
this
unknown
this thing
that draws me along
pushing past the words
that long held the world at bay
pushing past carefully erected barriers
until there is nothing
but this pregnant moment
a pausing sight
that breathes into my fear