Skip to main content

A Complicated State of Grace



a complicated state of grace
when you and I are two parts
of one whole
tugged in diverging directions
until we are render inept

ineffectual as the blade of grass
bending in the wind
at the mercy of nature
never strong enough to break

broken shards of who I am
poking through the cool veneer
of who I want to be
as I hide from myself
I am not who I thought I would be

I wanted love
once upon a time
when I was young
and did not know any better

reality is a harsh mistress
or rather love is a fallacy
my mantra
soothing my wounded pride
as love pushes me aside

addicted to carnal delights
I often mistook the moment
of a soft kiss
for more than what it was

too needy in my dreams
hungering for one second of the divine
chasing the dragon
until I grew dizzy
and bereft

I am locked
within the tower of myself
peeking out at the world
through the window of my soul

the panes are cracked
scratched and scarred by life
by who I am and who I want to be
and everything in between
as I disappoint everyone

one could say that I am afraid
of the monster in my soul
hidden in the darken corners
of my wants

impossible wants
better to wish for the moon
at least that is real
unlike the heady emotions
a touch can bring

oh how I want you to touch me
my skin has forgotten
the feel of you
and I am lost

not surprising
since I am never sure who I am
I desire things beyond the normal
lusting for the unattainable
it is the perversion of my heart

loneliness isn’t so bad
you can be alone in a room
full of people
it’s a matter of perspective

a belief I cling to
when my blood rages
and my body cries for a touch
it is a complicated state of grace
where you and I are lost

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Unconventional Moment Chapter 6

I pull a towel out of the wardrobe and make my way into the lavatory. I’ve charmed the mirror above the sink not to talk, so the reflection of me just mouths silent words as I reach into the bath and twist on the hot-water faucet. I slowly strip the constricting faculty robes from my body – there are times when I wish I could wear the simpler Muggle attire, but that’s the price I pay for working here. The coolness of the room brushes against my skin, causing my flesh to break out in goose bumps. It’s never warm in this part of the castle, no matter how many fireplaces are lit. I rub my hands up and down my arms as I wait for the steam to warm the room. Just before I step into the streaming water, I reach over and slightly turn the cold-water faucet. I may adore hot showers, but I have no desire to boil myself to death. I can feel the knot at the back of my neck start to loosen as I step into the now comfortable hot stream of water. I drop my head forward, resting my forehead a
2 comments
Read more

An Unconventional Moment Chapter 9

Title: An Unconventional Moment Chapter Title: This is the End... Author: celisnebula Character(s)/Pairing: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, (possible) Dubious Consent, Anal Rating: NC-17 I take one last look around my room, trying to gauge if I have missed anything.  No. Not my room—at least not any longer. Strange. It wasn’t mine any longer.  I sag against the door-frame, panic and remorse snaking up my spine. This room had been my home—my refuge—for the last few years, and now there was nothing left of me in it.  It was a surreal feeling. Letting out a soft sigh, I shifted; it was time.  Time to let go. Time to move on. I suppose anyone would feel this way; change isn’t easy to accept, even when it’s supposed to be good for you. I straightened my spine.  No use quibbling over something that I knew was going to happen; something I had, in fact, orchestrated.  I couldn’t stay here; not anymore. I had made the decision to leave m
Post a Comment
Read more

Tit for Tat

Title: Tit for Tat Author: celisnebula Character(s)/Pairing: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content Rating: NC-17 “You’re a bloody prat, you know that, right?” she huffed at Harry Potter, who was drunkenly slumped in the corner booth of the Hog’s Head. “Not,” he slurred.  “You’re just stroppy because you lost.”  He picked a shot of firewhisky from the table in front of him and downed it in one gulp.  “You’re always so bloody sure you’ll win-” “That’s cause she does,” Ron interjected. “-that you never entertain the idea that you just might not,” Harry continued as if Ron hadn’t interrupted. “’Sides, you’ve been mooning over him practically forever .”  He drew the word forever out in a sibilant hiss.  Ron nodded his head in agreement. “I hate you both!” she exclaimed, grabbing her own shot of firewhisky.  It burned pleasantly down her throat. “Nut’un,” Ron grunted.  “You lub us!”  He gave her his best Weasley glare.  “Betcha had something plan
Post a Comment
Read more