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A Complicated State of Grace



a complicated state of grace
when you and I are two parts
of one whole
tugged in diverging directions
until we are render inept

ineffectual as the blade of grass
bending in the wind
at the mercy of nature
never strong enough to break

broken shards of who I am
poking through the cool veneer
of who I want to be
as I hide from myself
I am not who I thought I would be

I wanted love
once upon a time
when I was young
and did not know any better

reality is a harsh mistress
or rather love is a fallacy
my mantra
soothing my wounded pride
as love pushes me aside

addicted to carnal delights
I often mistook the moment
of a soft kiss
for more than what it was

too needy in my dreams
hungering for one second of the divine
chasing the dragon
until I grew dizzy
and bereft

I am locked
within the tower of myself
peeking out at the world
through the window of my soul

the panes are cracked
scratched and scarred by life
by who I am and who I want to be
and everything in between
as I disappoint everyone

one could say that I am afraid
of the monster in my soul
hidden in the darken corners
of my wants

impossible wants
better to wish for the moon
at least that is real
unlike the heady emotions
a touch can bring

oh how I want you to touch me
my skin has forgotten
the feel of you
and I am lost

not surprising
since I am never sure who I am
I desire things beyond the normal
lusting for the unattainable
it is the perversion of my heart

loneliness isn’t so bad
you can be alone in a room
full of people
it’s a matter of perspective

a belief I cling to
when my blood rages
and my body cries for a touch
it is a complicated state of grace
where you and I are lost

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